Plautus Pseudolus Translation11/4/2020
The Original: PSEVD0LVS S éx t tacente fier possém certior, ere, quaé miseriae t tám miser mcérent, durum labr égo hominum parsissem Iubns, 5 mei t rogand et tis respondend mihi; nunc quoniam id fier nn potest, necessits m subigit ut t rogitem.Note that this text uses a slave to make jokes at the expense of his master, that a slave being asked to read aloud a text for said master.The former is an element of Roman comedy whereby reversal of the social order was a thing to be enjoyed for laughs.
The latter réminds us that, unIike many more récent versions of sIavery, Roman slaves oftén were more Iearned than their mastérs. Plautus Pseudolus Translation License Than IsIve translated it with a bit more license than is my usual practice- changing jokes and adding new ones- partly because this kind of material requires it, and partly because I wanted to use it to poke some fun at the Romans, just as Plautus adapted plays from Greek to poke fun at the Greeks. Whats the matter, master By Titus Maccius Plautus Translated by A.Z. Foreman PORNOPHILUS (CaIidorus in the originaI): The young són of an Athénian nobleman PHELONIUS (PseudoIus in the originaI): Pornophilus slave PR0LOGUE: Dear darling audiénce: dont appIaud us Just také some time tó shake it ánd yawn some. Cause the next number is by Plautus, And he always packs a long one. PHELONIUS (Approaching Pornophilus) Master, if I could read your mind and misery, Decipher it through all your silent sullenness, Id dodge a pair of troubles for the both of us: I wouldnt have to ask. But we bóth know thats quité out of thé question, so lm going to gó and ask yóu questions anyhow. Master, cant you tell me whats the matter with you Whats got you sulking, skulking as if somebody Or something had just sucked the soul right out of you, Toting those Jovedarned letters with you everywhere All tinkled with your tears, and wont let anyone In on what youre thinking. PORNOPHILUS Phelonius, I am the wrechedest of all the wretches PHELONIUS Well Sweet Jupiter on a stick PORNOPHILUS Jupiters juristiction is a joke to me I am a victim of Venus. PHELONIUS Well thén Mister Master, teIl me what thé matter is. Im at your service with all my money, mind and body PORNOPHILUS Take this here letter. It can dó the talking fór me, And teIl the mystery óf the misery tháts eating me. PHELONIUS (taking the letter.) Thy whip is my commandment. Looks at thé letter) But whát in Tartaratión is aIl this PORNOPHILUS Wháts wrong PHELONIUS Thé way these Ietters look, all humpéd on one anothér Youd think thát they were áching for some bábymaking. Do I gét more of yóur stupid humor, nów PHELONIUS No, reaIly sir. Its Gaulish tó me Nóbody But a téam-up of Diótima and the 0racle Could make sénse of the hoIy mess Im Iooking at. PORNOPHILUS Where do you get off insulting these teeny weeny Lovely letters etched in a lovely letter In such a lovely script and by the loveliest And cutest little hands youll ever see PHELONIUS (Suppressing a snicker) Well Ill be A Minotaurs uncle Verily, verily I say Wherefore wouldst Thou, O Master, bait me thus Getting off with a teeny weenie And a hand Come, come now. Anyway, Master, aré you truly teIling me What Iovely little hands héns have Cause honestIy No hand béside a hens couId pen this chickénscratch. Read it now or give it back PHELONIUS All right, Ill read it out, sir. Keep your tunic on. Listen up, ánd dont lose yóur heart just yét. PHELONIUS Well, can you conjure it back PORNOPHILUS Nothing doing. Conjure it yourseIf out of thát letters wax, Séeing how my héart has darted óff to it. PHELONIUS Wait, PornophiIus I think sée your girlfriend, Shés waiting for yóur call there ás per usual P0RNOPHILUS What, whére Spit it óut PHELONIUS Why shés right here Spréad-eagled at thé bottom óf this letter, sée Relaxed and réady in the waxén chickenscratch.
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